Deleted dating apps

 One of the bad habits that I have is chatting with random girls. I will do a break down of why I think I do this, but it is not acceptable in a relationship. Especially not with anyone  I love.  

I can't anticipate just stopping a habbit because I am in a new relationship. If I want to be successful in any future relationship I need to end the behaviors now.

I am deleting my dating apps. 

While I don't see anything wrong with the apps they allow for an excessive amount of chatting access which will only serve to increase my dopamine dependency on this behavior. It is a waste of time and it devalues interactions. I see no real purpose in keeping the apps on these grounds. 

Chatting to girls was deeply hurtful to B and I am really ashamed of the way it made her feel. I don't ever want to make the girl I love feel like that. 

It sends the wrong message. I wish I could take it all back so I never have to see the hurt in her eyes. God how could I be so selfish and why wasn't I able to see what I had. Fuck FUck Fuck

9.26.2021

Chatting with girls online.

My first exposure to sexuality with girls was via AOL chatrooms when I was 11. I've hooked up with only a few girls over the many years of this behavior, and never when I was in a relationship. I have been known to chat with girls when I am in a relationship however. I know I broke Briar's heart when she caught me doing it. This is perhaps the most destructive behavior I have in our relationship. It is critically important to stop doing this shit because Briar does not deserve to ever feel like she is second best, or not attractive, or not loved or not desired. 

I think the behavior is more a habit, almost a nostalgic self soothing practice that I turn to when overwhelmed. I want to think more about what provokes me to chat. 

9/27/2021

Deleted Dating Apps

One of the bad habits that I have is chatting with random girls. I will do a break down of why I think I do this, but it is not acceptable in a relationship. Especially not with anyone  I love.  

I can't anticipate just stopping a habbit because I am in a new relationship. If I want to be successful in any future relationship I need to end the behaviors now.

I am deleting my dating apps. 

While I don't see anything wrong with the apps they allow for an excessive amount of chatting access which will only serve to increase my dopamine dependency on this behavior. It is a waste of time and it devalues interactions. I see no real purpose in keeping the apps on these grounds. 

Chatting to girls was deeply hurtful to B and I am really ashamed of the way it made her feel. I don't ever want to make the girl I love feel like that. 

It sends the wrong message. I wish I could take it all back so I never have to see the hurt in her eyes. God how could I be so selfish and why wasn't I able to see what I had. Fuck FUck Fuck